When the knives come out..
First of all, this blog isn't as scary as it sounds! Well at the beginning it was and I think it always will be for most people but, like everything, you learn to process, accept and embrace everything that it is.
When I was a full time ballet student I thought I was lucky enough to have that body that isn't so susceptible to injuries. I was more athletic, muscular and less hyper mobile than other dancers (although this was never ideal for me!) But for my many years of elite training I never had a serious injury that set me back..just the odd 'niggle' here and there. So when that S word (surgery) pops up in my weekly physio session I don't quite fathom the possibility of it. When I joined the company it was something that I always saw other dancers go through but I knew I would never have such bad luck. Reflecting on this time it was such a foolish and naiive view to have, after all you can't change the structure of your bones. Dancers can mould their body shape, increase the flexibility of their muscles and improve their classical technique but there isn't a quick fix for having bones in the way. Except for surgery I guess.
After a number of years of having pain in the back of my ankle and almost ignoring the chance to get it better due to my stubbornness of not getting 'injured' (which all of us dancers are guilty of) I started getting frequent treatment with the brilliant company physiotherapist. It was something we treated and managed for a while, trying to modify my workload slightly before reaching the point of having two cortisone injections which only seemed to mask the pain for a few months at a time. I think it was at about eighteen months of this ongoing saga when we thought it was best to really take a plunge forward and seek the advice of a surgeon, one that is so trusted and respected by the ballet company. I vividly remember when the idea surfaced and was being toyed with that it hit me and it became real. I called my mum on the way home from meeting with one of my doctors and said 'what if I actually have to get surgery'.. I was in tears as I came to accept that this was happening to ME! The one who was supposed to be strong, resilient and never 'get injured'.
So the worst possible outcome was of course what I was faced with. Although the surgeon said it wasn't necessary to get surgery right away, he suggested the sooner the better in order to have the long and pain free career I dreamt of. To have the decision put right back in to my hands was unexpected and a lot to take on but I wanted to make the right decision for not only the 'now' but for future opportunities that I didn't want to deny myself of. So I booked in a date right away that would mean I only missed one season on stage, although I could still participate as a walk on character, and use my annual holiday time to rehab back to full strength for the new year. Being back on stage within a few months was so satisfying and I was proud that I jumped over the hurdle and came out the other end. It hasn't all been rosey getting back to this point and it won't be as I continue forward. My ankle is still adjusting to its new identity and it even needed another cortisone injection to help it on it's way. But my time away from the studio has been invaluable and something I am almost grateful for.
As I enter my fifth month post op I wanted write this to reassure others, whether they be dancers, athletes or any career driven person going through a similar situation that everyone has their own journey. And in those times where you find yourself in deep water you have to push yourself to see it from a different perspective. Take the time to learn about your body and how it can strengthen in other areas, same goes for your mind. Often times when we are in a rut of work, eat, sleep we don't take the time to nourish our other interests and hobbies. We don't take the time to really see the people who we care about. And we don't take the time to press restart and reassess what's good or bad for us in our lives. So when the knives come out don't go running, take them your hands and learn how to use them.
~srosez
All my gratitude and appreciation to Zara Gomes (QB Physiotherapist), Louise Drysdale (QB Physiotherapist), Dr Matthew Hislop (Sports Medicine Doctor), Dr Ben Forster (Surgeon), Nicole Vass (Pilates Instructor), Catherine Neal (Pilates Instructor), Nathan Scicluna (Personal Trainer) and my amazing family, friends and colleagues for getting me back on stage this year.
Photo Details ~
Photo 1 taken by Glenda Zoricic
Photo 2 taken by Vince Zoricic Photo 10 taken by Chloe Turner
Photo 11 taken by Lisa Edwards
Photo 12 taken by Jason Starr
Photo 14 taken by Zoe Doonar
Photo 15 taken by Liam Geck
Photo 16 taken by David Kelly